Halloween: Resurrection (2002) Review

Director: Rick Rosenthal

Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

Runtime: 94 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

IMDb Page

If every film franchise had to nominate one of its installments to go to the So-Bad-It’s-Good Awards, the Halloween series would definitely pick 2002’s Halloween: Resurrection (the eighth entry). This is the one where a bunch of dumbass college students go on an Internet reality show where they must spend a night in the old Myers home, where serial killer Michael Myers (Brad Loree) was raised. In case you haven’t guessed, the show is hosted by Freddie Harris (Busta Rhymes) and produced by Nora (Tyra Banks). This right here is a slice of bad movie nirvana.

Many (most?) fans of the original Halloween (1978) are bound to shed some tears over this one. We’re not talking everyday stupidity here. We’re talking electroshock-Michael-Myers’-gonads-level stupidity. It’s not a scary picture, but its true appeal is in its unintentional comedy. There are definitely some belly laughs to be found in Halloween: Resurrection. Hell, people in the other room may think that you’re watching a marathon of The Simpsons or something, instead of viewing an entry into one of the most famous horror series of all time. Oh, yeah, did I mention that it’s directed by Rick Rosenthal, who helmed the classic Halloween II (1981)?

It should be noted that the opening sequence of Resurrection is perhaps more insulting than hysterical, as it revolves around a gallingly bad cameo from Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis). After that, there’s a few mildly slow moments, but this horrible feature’s got it where it counts. Atrocious dialogue and baffling action is what Resurrection‘s all about. It tries to go for a semi-“found footage” vibe with the low-resolution camerawork done by the reality show’s “contestants,” making it all the more endearingly kitschy.

Okay, do you shy away from so-bad-it’s-good flicks? If you do, stay miles away from Halloween: Resurrection. However, fans of the outlandish and enjoyably awful will want – nay – will need to see it. It may not be as deliriously funny as, say, Death Wish 3 (1985), but I can see this one becoming a cult classic in the future…and rightfully so. Busta Rhymes wills it.

My rating is 8 outta 10.

The Adventures of Tintin (2011) Review

Director: Steven Spielberg

Genre(s): Action, Adventure, Comedy, Kids & Family

Runtime: 107 minutes

MPAA Rating: PG

IMDb Page

Being an American, I wasn’t all that familiar with the character of Belgian comic hero Tintin growing up (although I do remember watching the cartoon series The Adventures of Tintin on television). I’m grateful for director Steven Spielberg for largely introducing audiences in the United States to the world of Tintin with the 2011 animated motion picture The Adventures of Tintin. Blending three of the classic Tintin stories (The Crab with the Golden Claws, The Secret of the Unicorn, and Red Rackham’s Treasure) together, the plot involves intrepid reporter Tintin (Jamie Bell) and his dog, Snowy, going on an adventure after purchasing a model ship that everybody wants to have a part of. Okay, after using the word “Tintin” approximately 10,000 times over the course of one paragraph, let’s get on with the review.

After directing the Indiana Jones flicks, Steven Spielberg was a perfect choice to helm an entry into the almost equally pulpy Tintin franchise. Many (but not all) of the beloved characters from the comics make an appearance here, and there are several visual references to other Tintin adventures. As much as I loved the film overall, I am a bit disappointed with its depiction of Captain Haddock (Andy Serkis). He shows a bit too much of his buffoonish side here, and not quite enough of his badass personality. All of the other characters seem to be on-point, though.

For this feature, the action in the comics was taken and pumped up to an eye-popping extreme. The film’s manic action sequences are astounding, featuring camerawork and choreography that would be near-impossible to pull off in a live-action movie. From a pirate battle to a wild chase through the streets of a Moroccan city, the big set-pieces really bring out the viewer’s inner child. Also worthy of mention are John Williams’ lively musical score and the fantastic opening credits scene.

The Adventures of Tintin is definitely one of my favorite animated movies of all time, and, as far as action-adventure pictures go, it’s up there, too. It has both the lovable characters and the jaw-dropping action scenes that those sort of features need to succeed. It’s terrific entertainment for most ages (there is some blood in one scene, after a man is shot) that’s bound to encourage viewers to learn more about the Tintin universe. Let’s hope that that sequel gets made!

My rating is 8 outta 10.

Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker (2019) Review

Director: J.J. Abrams

Genre(s): Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Science-Fiction

Runtime: 141 minutes

MPAA Rating: PG-13

IMDb Page

The finale of Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983) will always be my preferred ending to the Star Wars saga. Everything that came after 1983 is basically non-canon in my book. Entertaining, imagination-capturing, and fun to discuss? Definitely…but not canon. The movie concluding the “sequel trilogy” or “Disney trilogy” of the Star Wars franchise is Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker, and your opinion of it will probably depend on if you accept it into your “headcanon” or not. Anyway, the plot’s about a certain villain from the series mysteriously returning and orchestrating a plot to turn Rey (Daisy Ridley) to the Dark Side of the Force, while conquering the galaxy in the process. You know the deal.

Doing lots of damage control as a result of Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi (2017), this feature crams a ton of content into its nearly two-and-a-half-hour runtime. Fortunately, it’s the characters that come through to save the picture’s neck. Whether they be new or old, cute or badass, the characters mostly nail it. This is The Rise of Skywalker‘s biggest strength, even if the events that take place in the film don’t always make sense. Watching so many fan-favorites or to-be-fan-favorites working together to keep the movie afloat left me feeling ecstatic at times. The action is exciting (if ludicrously over-the-top at times…but I suppose that’s just part of the fun) and John Williams’ musical score is right on the bull’s-eye.

As I mentioned in the above paragraph, not every narrative choice pays off (how exactly does the primary villain of the picture, who we’ve seen before, return to the stage?). Due to this trilogy’s filmmakers not having an overarching plan, the flick sometimes feels rushed or sloppy. The primary reason I don’t accept these new films into my “headcanon” is the undoing of the ending of the aforementioned Return of the Jedi. This is a sore spot for many Star Wars fans, and I can’t blame them for being “salty” over it. Still, if you consider this trilogy to be some sort of alternate timeline or “what-if?” story taking place after the conclusion of the original three movies, it’s quite rousing.

I’m going to go out on a limb here, and say that The Rise of Skywalker is just about as good a finale for the sequel trilogy as was possible after The Last Jedi largely tore apart the “mystery boxes” established in Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015) (and after the passing of Carrie Fisher, who played Princess Leia). It also works very well as a standalone sci-fi/action-adventure tale. However, how is it as an ending of the entire Star Wars saga, as was started all the way back in 1977? Let’s just say that Return of the Jedi will always be my official conclusion of the story.

My rating is 8 outta 10.

Legionnaire (1998) Review

Director: Peter MacDonald

Genre(s): Action, Adventure, Drama, War

Runtime: 99 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

IMDb Page

It may have the mandatory close-up of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s ass, but Legionnaire is not your typical movie to feature the Muscles from Brussels. I sure don’t recall seeing any roundhouse kicks. Anyway, this film is about French boxer Alain Lefevre (Jean-Claude Van Damme) joining the French Foreign Legion in the 1920s to avoid the mob. He, of course, ends up serving in the Rif War in Morocco. It’s not the most original tale, but it’s a well-told story that kept my attention.

While primarily a war/action-adventure flick, Legionnaire features a satisfactory dramatic core. Jean-Claude Van Damme has an underappreciated knack for picking projects with nifty, simple, yet effective, emotional hooks. The characters here are mostly clear and easy to root for. The musical score by John Altman works well, and there’s only a minimum of romance.

All of those components are fine and dandy…but how’s the action? If you’re just here for the combat, then you probably won’t leave disappointed. The film’s action sequences, mainly battles between the French Foreign Legion and Moroccan rebels, are truly excellent. This picture was directed by Peter MacDonald, who also helmed Rambo III (1988), and his scenes of physicality here are almost as impressive as the ones in that Rambo flick. Van Damme is definitely in action hero mode here, but he’s not really an obnoxiously unrealistic one-man army.

On the flip side, Legionnaire is home to some of the most clich├ęd dialogue in movie history. If an original script is one of the primary things you look for in a film, please skip this one. However, if all you’re looking for is a war picture with reasonable drama and spectacular action set-pieces, Legionnaire is more-than-worth looking into. It’s much more epic in scope than your average JCVD feature and feels more grounded in reality. I like it quite a bit.

My rating is 8 outta 10.

Knives Out (2019) Review

Director: Rian Johnson

Genre(s): Comedy, Crime, Mystery, Thriller

Runtime: 130 minutes

MPAA Rating: PG-13

IMDb Page

Now this is the kind of film that director Rian Johnson should be making, instead of “subverting [the] expectations” of Star Wars fans with Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi (2017) (which is still a movie I enjoy on some level). After famous murder mystery author Harlan Thrombey (Christopher Plummer) is found dead in his mansion, detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) brings in the writer’s family to see if foul play was involved. This is an excellent whodunit murder mystery picture that made me want to see more adventures of Daniel Craig’s character.

The plot of Knives Out is intricate, but, by mystery movie standards, it doesn’t feel convoluted. I’m no good at following flicks that are like the latter, so if I could understand what was going on, you, almost certainly, will be able to as well. Fortunately for the audience, the various characters in this feature are mostly well-defined and played by an all-star cast. Despite all of the twists and turns, the film doesn’t really try to confuse the viewer or make following the details difficult.

Knives Out, in addition to being a mystery/thriller movie, is a comedy. Yes, it’s funny, but it’s definitely the murder-related elements that keep it afloat. It’s certainly self-aware, but that doesn’t become a hindrance to enjoyment (Knives Out isn’t as cheeky as critics of The Last Jedi may have feared). It’s interesting to note that Christopher Plummer’s character’s home is filled with knick-knacks that seem to stare back at the audience and the people within the film. This may be a reference to Sleuth (1972), which did something similar.

This work left me wanting more…in a good sort of way. It doesn’t really matter if it would be other murder mysteries or another picture or two featuring Daniel Craig’s Benoit Blanc. I suppose that’s a sign that something went right. Knives Out is an admirable flick, largely thanks to a well-told plot and a cast of characters that the viewer can keep track of. Oh, yeah, it’s pretty funny as well.

My rating is 8 outta 10.

The Real Glory (1939) Review

Director: Henry Hathaway

Genre(s): Action, Adventure, War

Runtime: 96 minutes

MPAA Rating: Not Rated

IMDb Page

One of my favorite movies of Gary Cooper’s career is this now-largely-forgotten film set during the Moro Rebellion in the early 1900s. In 1906, a team of American soldiers, including Bill Canavan (Gary Cooper), Terence McCool (David Niven), and “Swede” Larsen (Broderick Crawford), is deployed to a remote Filipino village to train the locals to defend themselves from Moro marauders (the Philippines were a U.S. colony at the time). Don’t let this picture’s obscure status dissuade you…it’s thoroughly satisfying.

The Real Glory has well-defined characters and, at times, has a palpable sense of desperation as the protagonists find themselves on the ropes against their foes lurking in the Filipino jungle. Yes, there is some silly romance that reduces our heroes to children, but it’s not as distracting it is in some other films. This movie embodies the Wilsonian spirit of the United States using its might to democratize the nations of the globe and empower the downtrodden.

On the action front, most of the fireworks are saved for the grand finale, but there are some bits of action here and there prior to it. The final battle gets pretty over-the-top at times (you won’t believe what the bad guys do with the bending palm trees!), but it’s all part of the fun. People checking this flick out just for the heroic stuff probably won’t leave disappointed. The feature is also a bit more violent than your typical 1939 movie.

The hidden gem The Real Glory was rereleased in theaters after the United States entered World War II (retitled “A Yank in the Philippines“), but the War Department recommended that the film be withdrawn, since the Moros were now U.S. allies in the ongoing conflict against the Japanese. Keep your eyes peeled for Vladimir Sokoloff (who played the “Old Man” of the village in The Magnificent Seven [1960]) as the Datu, the representative to the American armed forces of the Moro community in the besieged town. So, you may not have heard of this action-adventure/war tale before, but I certainly give it a hearty recommendation.

My rating is 8 outta 10.

Where Eagles Dare (1968) Review

Director: Brian G. Hutton

Genre(s): Action, Adventure, Thriller, War

Runtime: 158 minutes

MPAA Rating: PG

IMDb Page

There are video games that are more accurate and realistic than this World War II-based action-adventure picture. I really don’t think that’s a hyperbolic statement. Here, a team of Allied commandos is dispatched to the Nazi-occupied Alps to rescue Carnaby (Robert Beatty), an American officer who knows of the Normandy invasion plans and has been captured by the Germans. He’s being held in an impenetrable castle and our heroes, particularly Smith (Richard Burton) and Schaffer (Clint Eastwood), have to storm it. People who have a hard time suspending their disbelief should avoid this movie like the plague.

I, on the other hand, love this crazy stuff, and find Where Eagles Dare to be a real treat. Once things start to pick up, this film is almost non-stop gunfire, explosions, scuffles, and escapes. The legendary Yakima Canutt is the second unit director here, and his action sequences are dynamite. They’re video-gamey as all get-out, but I don’t have a problem with this. Ron Goodwin provides a pulse-pounding musical score.

Listen, this is one unrealistic movie, with bad guys being knocked down like bowling pins, Nazis speaking English instead of German (except when they don’t, of course), and hand grenades tossed at our protagonists taking approximately ten hours to explode. It’s totally preposterous, and the plot quickly becomes insanely convoluted. Good luck trying to wrap your head around it. The beginning is quite slow-moving, and most people in the feature get next-to-no characterization.

I’m not going to lie. The first time I saw Where Eagles Dare, I hated it immensely. How could one movie make Medal of Honor: Allied Assault look like documentary footage and have such a ludicrously over-complicated story? Also, what’s up with the lethargic pacing? However, I’ve definitely reevaluated it, and now I think that it’s the bomb. Most of my complaints still stand, but I’ve learned not to care. Also, don’t forget to listen to the Iron Maiden song “Where Eagles Dare” afterwards!

My rating is 8 outta 10.